Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Traumatized by Barney's Penis

First the facts ("My 6-year-old was traumatized," The Village News, August 18, 2006):
On Tuesday, August 8, I took my family out to Daniel’s for groceries. I have a 6-year-old daughter who learned how to read from the Barney and Friends book series. As we stepped out of the family van, she was very excited to see a Barney movie being advertised on the Daniel’s Market lit sign. She said, “Look, Daddy, a Barney movie!” I couldn’t see it, so she guided my eyes to the vulgar obscenity arranged there on the sign. “Look! Up there! Barney’s p***s!” I was shocked when I saw the words arranged on the sign. I quickly averted her eyes and escorted her into the store.
Oh, shit. This is going to ruin your family. Right? Right:
Since then, she has not stopped mentioning Barney’s p***s. This has shaken the bedrock of our family.
Quick, honey, grab the phone! This is an emergency! Call the penis eradication squad! What are we going to do?
I made an emergency call to our church’s pastor about this bombshell in my daughter’s life and he is unsure how it will affect her future.
(I can answer for him: not very much.)

Anyway, to continue, who is to blame? Why, young people!
This sort of sick joke is typical of unlawful teenagers across the country, but I just didn’t think the little town of Fallbrook was home to such hoodlums. I am frightened for my daughter’s future; she won’t stop bringing up this horrible movie title! I would like Daniel’s Market to apologize for traumatizing my daughter, and I would like the pranksters to know just how vile their criminal act was.
Jesus Christ. Where is this Fallbrook place anyway? Oh, here, it's in California. As someone pointed on another blog making fun of this piece, home to Tom Metzger.

One day I'm going to drive across the United States of America. Every time I meet a prude, I'm going to have a shot.

The links:

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