Today's Fuckery Round-up: Drunk Driving Horseback

Drunken horseback riding from the Associated Press, printed on Boston.com ("Ala. woman on horseback charged with DUI," April 4):

SYLVANIA, Ala. -- A woman used a horse to ram a police car during a midnight ride through town and was charged with driving under the influence, police said. DUI charges can apply even if the vehicle has four legs instead of wheels, Chief Brad Gregg said Tuesday.

Sex paper in high school ("Parents Protest H.S. Sex Newspaper," March 30):

HAMPTON, N.H. Mar 30, 2007 (AP)— Some parents are protesting the "sex" edition of the student newspaper at Winnacunnet High School. Several said they were especially offended by a photograph of two women kissing under the headline, "Why men love women who love women," a quiz question about anal sex, and an interview with an unnamed custodian who said he had found a vibrator in the girls' shower.

...

"I don't want to discuss personnel," Wood said. "I want to discuss the paper. "I thought it was a vile, disgusting piece of pornography I wouldn't want to be in front of children, let alone paid for by taxpayers."

...

The student paper's editor in chief, Katie McCay, and managing editor, Lisa McManus, said they wanted to educate students, nearly half of whom are already having sexual intercourse, according to a 2005 Youth Risk Behavior Survey at the high school. The true or false quiz was particularly enlightening, they said.

...

In an editorial, McManus wrote that the students were aware they were dealing with a taboo.

"These stories have been edited and re-edited for content and delivery, keeping in mind that the job here is to inform, not shock," the editorial said. "It's about sex. Deal with it.

"It is something parents hope their children remain ignorant about until after marriage. It is something faculty members and administrators hope not to deal with, but something that almost all students have experienced or been exposed to."

Bribing little boogers not to drink ("MADD and Nationwide(R) Kick Off Prom With Music by Bow Wow at Sam Houston High School," April 5):

Schools participating in the THINK.Prom program receive a pledge pack that includes a giant pledge signing banner, individual pledge sheets, a powerful DVD to show in the classroom or to an entire assembly, artful awareness posters, ID cards, event hand stamp and giveaways such as penny stickers, party mints and rear-view mirror tags. Schools also receive safety posters for spring break and graduation. Through the THINK Web site, students can receive rewards for making good choices including free Napster downloads, text messaging, screensavers and cell phone wall paper.

(6000? What the hell is an underage-drinking related cause?)

Alcohol is the No. 1 drug problem among youth killing more young people than all other illicit drugs combined. More than 6,000 young people die each year due to underage drinking-related causes. In 2005, 2,035 15-20 year olds were killed in alcohol-related traffic crashes-an average of six deaths per day. Of those deaths, 1,387 youth aged 15-20 died in crashes involving a 15- 20-year-old alcohol-impaired driver.

(Don't fall for it, kids. Drink up, and take mass transit.)

From July 28, 2006: Happy map (Danes Are the Happiest, Study Says):

FRIDAY, July 28 (HealthDay News) -- Piecing together information from more than 100 studies in the growing field of happiness research, a British psychologist has produced what he says is the first world map of happiness.

It ranks 178 countries, with Denmark at the top and the African nation of Burundi at the bottom. The United States comes in 23rd.